Mom I want to give you the best of me, but on this day, I don't even know what to say because we barely have anything to say to each other. Every time we talk on the phone it's awkward silence because you don't want to hear about the things I do. You don't Accept the things I do. I don't know maybe you are just miserable and you can't feel happy for me? You don't like me modeling nude, you don't like my YouTube videos, you unfriended me on Facebook, so that tells me that you don't want to have any part in my life. I see _______ and she has a great relationship with her daughter and sometimes I wish you were a cool mom, like other moms who openly talk about everything with their daughters. I see my best friend calling her mom "My Queen" & she has the ideal relationship with her mom. I wish I had that with you, but we have grown so far apart.
Our relationship is and always has been one-sided. I have to bend over backwards to please you, just like how the rest of the family bends over backwards to please Grandma. You act like you are entitled to my love, time, attention, & respect simply because you gave birth to me and raised me. I know I sound very ungrateful, but it's not that I don't appreciate the things you've done for me. Perhaps you did your best to give me the things that you wanted and never got, and you just Assumed that I wanted the same things that you do. I'm a Sagittarius. I'm independent and I can't be controlled or told what to do.
Everything always has to go your way, & if it doesn't then you act like a child; it's so immature, I hate it! But you're already old and you will never change so I am going to give myself a hard time trying to make sense of it or try & change you. I should just accept you the way you are, but then again, I see myself in a situation where I am forced to accept someone who Doesn't Accept Me!
I mean I want to be able to say "Happy Mother's Day Mom!" And I want to really MEAN it.
________ does not really like her mom either, & she told me that My Mom will be the only woman who will always be there for me until the end. But I have already been through so much in my life by myself without you there.
Her reason for maintaining a good relationship with my mom is simply not a good enough of a reason for me to drag my feet and force a relationship with you. She's basically saying that I should spend time with you JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE MY MOM! And My Time is precious. Time is a priceless gift, because I can never get my time back.
So Obviously I love you because I am taking my Time to write this to you because I want to be Real with you-- something that seems impossible for you to do, which is being real. It's like you don't care about what I do, but more accurate to say that you prefer to stay ignorant, because ignorance is bliss and you think I'm crazy, so you wanna pretend like I'm normal.
I think the only times we got along were when we wrote letters to each other.
No, I will not forget the letters that we wrote to each other. I will not forget that you came to my Bootcamp graduation, Marine Security Guard school graduation and college graduation. But I had to LIE to you and tell you that my dad was not going to go because if I told you the truth, then you would not go to my graduation, & that is CHILDISH!
You both had sex and you got pregnant with me. You are BOTH my parents and I should not be forced to choose! Sometimes I feel like you would be happier if you had just aborted me instead, because I feel like I'm paying for your mistake. It's like you hate yourself for having been with my dad, & I am a visual representation of your poor choices in your youth. That is how I feel. I cannot help but feel this way, that you take your anger and frustration out on me. I can't help what you did. Those were YOUR choices, not mine.
You're probably old-fashioned and close-minded like most Asian parents are. You probably think that you failed as a parent because you raised your daughter to be a slut. I don't think I am a slut, I am just trying to think how You think, & I think that maybe you think that I am a slut. You think I am a slut for modeling naked and for talking openly about sex. But I see it differently. I see modeling as an art form & a medium for self-expression. I see it as me being confident and proud in a world where some women PAY to go get plastic surgery JUST SO THEY CAN HAVE WHAT I WAS BORN WITH. I see my open discussions about sex as a way to connect with people and help people that I don't even know or have ever met in real life. Do you know how many people ask me for Help Mom??? Do You???
I HELP PEOPLE. I help people with Very Personal problems. I help Men Get a bigger Penis!! Do you Know how hard it is for a man with a Small penis to get help?? I show them something that will literally change their LIVES!!!! You should be PROUD OF ME!!!! The men that get results after doing what I show them couldn't be HAPPIER!!! I literally help them change their LIVES for the better mom.
Just Yesterday my waiter asked me for help because her boyfriend isn't giving her enough sex. If I was just a "normal" person my waiter and I would probably never talk! But because I have all these videos about sex and because I am so honest and people SEE that I do it to help people, they feel comfortable enough to approach me with their problem! We all need help and advice from time to time, but it's not always easy to talk about certain things, especially when it comes to sex. But I have a gift. Maybe you don't see it like that, but I DO. I can literally get people to tell me everything about themselves that they WOULD NEVER TELL ANYONE ELSE!!! I have done it! And I use my gift to help people with their problems. So if you can't see that then I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe you are ashamed of me, but I am proud of myself. I have found a way to help people that I DON'T EVEN KNOW. How many people can actually say that? Of course you have doctors, lawyers, dentists, teachers, etc. You have sex therapists, and other professionals who get Paid to help people, but I help people just for the sake of helping people! You should be proud of me for knowing that you have raised a daughter with a good heart. And you should be proud that I made a life for myself doing what I love while helping people at the same time.
I just don't know what else to say, but I wanted to get this off my chest and I still want to say Happy Mother's Day. You know I love you. And I love myself too. It just sucks that you can't be happy for me. I am happy. I just wish that we had a better relationship.